After numerous edits and revisions, I've finally churned out what seems to be close to the final draft for my college application essay. However, I still need your help. I'm welcoming all criticisms regarding my essay; it can be about style, content, grammar, or anything that just doesn't seem right.

Here goes:

The best writing is often very personal. All kinds of experiences—serious, funny, unexplained, fleeting—can influence our lives and help make us who we are. Tell us about a person, place, or event in your life that has particular meaning for you, and why it is important to you. We’d especially like to hear about someone or something that has affected your life that may not have affected or even been noticed by other people. (400~500 words)

The sun was blazing, the air was still, the ground was marshy, and bloodthirsty mosquitoes lingered by. Shades of green and brown flooded my eyes. I was in the jungle of Temburong, Brunei.

The second day of my military training exercise: I was covered in cuts, bruises and insect bites. My water and food supplies were low, and so was my morale. I had been walking non-stop with a heavy load for that whole morning, and my muscles were aching terribly. It took every ounce of energy I could squeeze from every sinew of my body to will my leaden feet to move. Fatigue, thirst, and hunger engulfed me – misery reigned.

There was worse to come.

As I was traversing up a precipitous slope, I lost my footing and fell into an awkward stance. A sharp pain hit me cold. Wincing, I got someone to take off my right boot, and as I suspected, there was an angry red swelling. However, despite my foot’s nasty appearance, the pain was tolerable. I could still walk, albeit at a slower pace.

My officer asked, “De Rui, can you continue?”

Rationality created a row in my head, demanding me to cease the punishment on my battered body, while my defiant heart refused to cave in, urging me to stand tall, to persevere. This was a situation alien to me. I have had my ups and downs in life, but had always fought to the bitter end - I was reluctant to tarnish my immaculate record. But now, my mind was shrouded in uncertainty; I was unsure if I had the capacity to go the distance. Then, I thought of my fellow soldiers who were also going through the same arduous journey as me, and none had fallen yet. Was I going to suffer the ignominy of being the first to collapse? The competitive fire in me was ignited, burning away the shroud of certainty around me.

I replied, “Yes Sir.”

Thereafter, I never looked back.

To most people, the only winners in this incident were the undernourished mosquitoes. But I was a winner too – I had won my source of confidence.

Previously, when I think about my future, and the challenges that lay in store, I would feel scared, apprehensive and intimidated. Stellar transcripts and glowing testimonials did nothing to assuage my fears. There was always this little voice inside me asking: Am I really good enough? Can I blaze through all obstacles?

Now, whenever these doubts arise, I will look back at that time in the jungle of Temburong, when I was consumed with exhaustion and bogged with an untimely injury. I picture myself gritting my teeth, shrugging off the pain, and continuing to march on.

No matter what life throws at me in future, I know I can tackle it head on – no doubt about it.