Today, I’ve finally come to the conclusion that 2^nd B is really darn extra. There have been many complaints about him already, but I’d always maintained a neutral stance towards him, and in most instances, even defended him against his irate detractors – until today. My threshold of tolerance for his idiosyncrasies was finally breached. Perhaps, I’ve been more than easily irritable lately (not sure why myself, so don’t ask), though I suspect it’s because the extra-ness of 2^nd B had finally reached its apotheosis today. I don’t even know where to start man. Just thinking about it invokes a mish-mash of emotions in me: anger, exasperation, laughter and bewilderment.

It all began this afternoon at about 1.50pm, when we suddenly received news of that a VVIP was to arrive at 2.15pm. The conference room was set up as per normal whenever important guests visit the camp, but since it was a little last-minute, most of us were a little flurried. So, it got to be very annoying when I’d to entertain the quirky 2^nd B’s weird (for want of a better adjective) request. The situation was this: there was this big chart of our training area that was to be used in the presentation to the VVIP, but it was covered with cellophane, which made it glaring to the eyes when light was shone on it, and I was asked to do something about it. The dialogue that transpired between us was as follows:

“Wong ar, can you switch off the lights? The chart is a little too glaring.”, said 2^nd B.

I duly obliged, and switched off the first row of lights, since that was where the chart was under. I expected that to be the end of the matter, because previously, when the same chart was used and placed at the same position, complaints of glare often ceased when the first row of lights were off.

“Wong ar, it’s still too glaring, can you switch off the second row of lights?”, said 2^nd B.

I duly obliged once more, but that was not the end of it.

“Wong ar, it’s too dark now. I can’t see anything on the chart. Can you don’t switch off the whole of the 2^nd row of lights? Just turn off the last square of lights.”, said 2^nd B.

By now, my patience was wearing thin, and I curtly replied, “No Sir, I can’t switch off that last square.”

Now, to clarify matters, that wasn’t a petulant act of defiance, but it was really beyond my means to switch off that last square. The lights in the conference room were built in such a way that the switches could only switch off a row of 3 “squares” of lights at one time, and not the individual squares. If you’ve worked in an office before, you’d get what I mean by the “squares”, because I really can’t think of the right word for it now.

Anyway, I managed to solve the problem by switching off that 2^nd row of lights and turning on the spotlights that were situated at the 3^rd row of lights.

“Hmm… Wong ar… I think this is just right.”, said 2^nd B.

Having ostensibly placated him, I went back to my work.

However, my reprieve proved to be short-lived. Moments later, he called for me again.

“Wong ar…you know ar, when I sit at another position, the chart becomes too glaring. How ar?”, asked 2^nd B.

At that moment, words could scarcely describe how I felt. Perhaps, the only expression that could err..express my feelings would be that often-used online chatting symbol: … . I was like duh…how on earth do you adjust the lighting so that the glare would be of the same low intensity at every angle. With more sophisticated lighting equipment perhaps, but with normal room lights that just go on or off, I don’t think so.

Unable to provide a viable solution, I left 2^nd B to his own devices.

At that time, I thought that would really be the end of it. But oh no…I was so wrong. Shortly after that, Edwin, my supervisor, on 2^nd B’s instruction, rushed into the office asking for an extension cord to the power point. Having already had my patience stretched to the limit by 2^nd B, I was irked by this request because all the extension cords in the office were already in use and placed in hard-to-reach corners, so removing them would be excruciatingly troublesome. Besides that, since time immemorial, I’ve not heard of any event in the conference room that required an extension cord, so I was quite puzzled at the sudden need for it. Nevertheless, being the obedient soldier that I am, I, with the help of Samuel, my buddy, managed to unearth an extension cord from the musty depths of the decrepit store room in the hall.

Still very much annoyed at the trouble I was put through, I brought the extension cord to the conference room nonetheless. And Lo and Behold! I finally discovered the root of my misery. The bugger of the 2^nd B had actually managed to get hold of a portable lamp – which was similar to a table lamp – that could be clipped onto the chart. (I was also told later that the procurement of that portable lamp also troubled another officer greatly, and needless to say, she was less than pleased.) However, the lamp’s cord was too short to reach the AC point, and thus the need for an extension cord arose.

2^nd B is really the best. All that trouble just to reduce the glare of the chart. Like seriously, I know 2^nd B wants to give a good impression to the VVIPS, but really, that’s taking it a little too far. And quite frankly, I don’t think the VVIPs really give a hoot about the chart; they’re mostly just here for the cheap golf in Brunei. So glare or no glare, I doubt it matters.

That’s not the end of it. Later, Samuel had the misfortune of dealing with 2^nd B.

“Sam ar…why is the lamp shining at one spot only? ”, asked 2^nd B.

It was a question that would induce anyone to reach uncontrollably for their hair and grab every last strand out in exasperation Like duh…the lamp only had one bulb, so of course it could only shine at one spot.

Sam, already as annoyed as me, was unable to communicate that patently obvious point without condescension, wisely decided to remain silent.

But really, if I’d been asked that question instead, I would have just told him to line the chart with the Christmas tree lightings to solve the problem once and for all.

Bloody Bugger! 2^nd B is really irksome. After today’s incident, my opinion of him has irreversibly changed for good (bad).