Life – what do I want out of it? After my last entry, I know most of you would probably see me as a money-craving scrooge, and start bombarding me with all the rhetoric about how money isn’t everything and that happiness can be achieved without wealth blah blah blah… Well, save it. I – do - know that money is but a means to an end. Sheesh…it’s not like I crave the fragrant aroma of the Ishaks or get orgasmic by watching the numbers in my bank account jump each month.

So what end is it that I’m hoping to reach? I’m not sure really. But what I do know is that money (or the lack of it) is often an impediment to the pursuit of what we really want. Too often I hear people say, “Cannot lah. Not enough money.” It is true wealth doesn’t necessitate happiness, but poverty sure doesn’t help much either. Ergo, my aggressive pursuit of wealth is driven by my belief that financial freedom would empower me to indulge in pursuits, which I’d otherwise be shackled from.

The cynics amongst you would point out that the chase for affluence is like sliding down the proverbial slippery slope – once you start you can’t stop. And ultimately, you’d be consumed by money, die rich but sad. This argument goes back to the age old idea of how too much of a good thing is pernicious to your well-being.

Sidetracking a little (Yeah, my mind is unfocussed; I’m just typing whatever comes to mind. But hey! This is my blog, and I’ve the carte blanche to ramble on all I want.), someone – I believe it’s Ali, though I can’t really recall - once mentioned to me that the only entity that is an exception to the rule is love, which is ostensibly right. After all, love, this warm fuzzy sensation, is the bread for our souls. We humans live and thrive on it, so surely it cannot be harmful - even in inordinate amounts. Unfortunately, just like our body, too much spiritual carbo would give us obese souls (read: injurious to our emotional health). Excessive love translates to infatuation, obsession and possessiveness. It’s emotionally unhealthy for the recipient who is suffocated by such excessive love, and also for the giver whose love, in most cases, goes unreciprocated. The former suffers from emotional gluttony, and the latter from emotional undernourishment. Some of you would probably accuse me of being frivolous with my definition of love, and that infatuation, obsession and possessiveness do not constitute love, and that real love is about giving you kin/friend/spouse personal time space. I disagree with the whole “real” love “fake” love notion, because the abovementioned three feelings are manifestations of overindulgences in love. Just because they are not “real” love doesn’t imply that they are not a kind love – albeit the warped type. Now, even if I were to concede that infatuation, obsession and possessiveness are excluded from the definition of love, the whole “real” love “fake” love idea already suggests that “real” i.e. benign love is only attainable through “rationed” loving, which proves that love is also vulnerable to extremism.

Moving back to the topic at hand, I’ve no qualms about the detriments of extremism in wealth accumulation per se, but what irks me is the sweeping assumption that once people fall into the trap of having their lives enveloped by money, they would necessarily stay that way forever. Undeniably, there are many wealthy people whose lives revolve around money so much that they lose themselves in it, and they realize they have no time to live their lives properly. However, it is precisely this realization of the rut they are in that kick-starts their detachment from money and their pursuit of more emotionally and spiritually fulfilling lives. This is clearly illustrated by the numerous philanthropic foundations established by people like the Rockefellers, Bill Gates, Li Ka-Shing, Lee Kong Chian and many others. Of course, charity is not the be all and end all of getting your life back together. Spending more quality time with your family, friends and people you love and care for is also another step in the right direction. Besides that, taking time off to pursue your passions like globetrotting or even more exciting activities like stamp-collecting would lead towards a more fulfilling life. Now, I’m not dictating what constitutes a fulfilling life nor am I suggesting there are rules cast in stone to determine one. Heck, there are some people who get their fixes from sniffing all their money in a piggybank. If that makes them happy, they can jolly well go ahead. What I’m saying is that at the end of the day, we all have this built-in mechanism that prompts us when we’re getting too bogged down by the trappings of wealth, so there’s really no need to fear money.

After all this bullshitting, the question still remains: what would give me a fruitful and fulfilling life? (Not in any particular order) Career, family (the one you were born with), friends and religion aside, starting a family always seems to be the answer for most people. What’s up with that man? I mean, the first part – sex – sounds fun, but kids? Gee…I can’t imagine myself with an entourage of obstreperous toddlers in tow; I’d probably be slapping them half the time. I’ve seriously not a shred of paternalistic instinct in me. Whenever I come into contact with babies, I never feel the compulsion to abuse their cherubic cheeks or to contort my face and go goo-goo-ga-ga. Carrying them is another big no-no, because I always get the feeling they’re gonna shit or piss on me any moment. The whole family gig just isn’t for me. Ok, I’m getting ahead of myself here; I’m probably not even going to marry – at least in the near future – so talk of my progeny is a little premature. But really, why do most of us always feel this urge to have a family of our own? Is it a case of monkey-see-monkey-do? Our parents, grandparents and great-grandparent did it, so it’s our turn to do it now. Or maybe, the kids were just an unforeseen by-product of passionate and unprotected fornication.

In any case, at this point in my life, I know where to go with my career, but I’m still clueless about my emotional and spiritual needs beyond family and friends. Shrug… maybe I’ll just cheat. I’ll treat my nephews and nieces as my own children – but only when they’ve grown out of the shitting-and-pissing-everywhere phase.

(P.S. I know my arguments are full of lacunas , but I'm too tired to deal with them now. If you really want to trash things out, drop a comment or look for me on MSN.)