I’ve been thinking about home recently, and it had me reconsidering the soundness of my decision to extend my term in Brunei. Pragmatically speaking, extending my term is the better choice. What with better pay, flexibility during working hours, no guard duty, excellent bunk amenities (note: cable TV, fridge, and attached bathroom), a benign supervisor and protection from the rough and tumble of camp politics (having the greatest access to both the Camp Commander and his deputy does has its perks).

Nevertheless, I do miss my friends back in Singapore, especially the late-night supper gang. Over here, with the exception of a few people, most are just superficial “hi-bye” friends. And even within that small group of people, there are few I can really talk to about stuff outside of business. Then, there’s my family. I’m not terribly close to my family except my mum, but even then, I still miss the subtle touch of a warm family. The home-cooked food, obstreperous brothers fighting in the background, and yes, even the incessant nagging from my elders (ok maybe, I don’t miss it that much.)

Whenever I start thinking about all these, the loneliness really starts to eat away at me. Now that I’ve got my driving license, it’s going to be another 6 months of this loneliness – at least – before I can set foot on Singapore soil again. Considering that I was last in Singapore on 5 Feb, it’s going to be almost a year of uninterrupted physical detachment from Singapore for me. One year seemed like an ok time to me, until I started breaking it down into months (12), weeks (52), and then days (365). That’s when the madness of it all started to hit me – 300 plus frigging days of virtual confinement! What the fvck did I get myself into?

That’s what I always do, think think think, consider consider consider and reconsider some more, and then coming to a hard-nosed pragmatic decision that leaves me with an emotional void. Maybe I should appeal more to my heart next time…